#I'm glad I just get to share queer posts with more people

[gay-detector]

this blog is actually so funny to me i love it thank you for doing this

:D thank you for saying this <3

[ratstuckinamarble]

The show isn't cancelled! Personally, I don't know how likely we are to get a third season (I'm trying to stay optimistic without getting my hopes up), but claims of cancellation were disproven.

And I do agree with your points! The allegory here being so well done is exactly why I was frustrated they didn't make Draculaura queer in any way. Portraying negative experiences queer people can face more indirectly was a good move imo, and in combination with the show having actual queer characters, it doesn't feel cowardly. I just prefer when characters are what is being alluded to through them as well, I like to think that's understandable. Making Draculaura trans or bi, for example, would tie into everything wonderfully without any big changes needing to be made.

So my issue was never that they used this topic as a plotline, I think they did a good job there. I just feel like that last aspect was missing.

Now, pulling it all together by giving Toralei an interest in witchcraft too... I hadn't considered that. Very cool idea!

All right, time to discuss Spell the Beans, this is your spoiler warning. I've previously talked about how I view Draculaura practicing witchcraft this gen as a gay allegory, and considering this episode's theme, I have thoughts. Buckle up, this analysis of sorts will get long. (Also, homophobia will be mentioned)

What kicks the episode off is Drac losing a potion bottle, which gets found and is the reason for Bloodgood calling everyone's parents in to help search. Once again, Toralei wants her to be found out, and with all the talk of witchcraft making Draculaura feel like herself, it being something she won't consider giving up despite it having the potential to cause so many problems for her (Toralei trying to snitch on her, her parents or other students potentially reacting badly, expulsion), frames it like she has no choice about being a witch. Like it's innate (You know. Like being queer). Which also means Toralei is basically trying to out her which is... not great (I like her but I can't deny that- girlie has issues).

A scene soon after that shows Draculaura freaking about about the fact that her dad will be there, specifically to find the witch. What's interesting is that she clearly doesn't intend to keep this a secret from him. Here's some quotes:

"I should have told dad about my witchcraft last weekend when I planned to! But then he saw my report card, and he was so proud. He kept saying how I was following in his bat steps to become the premier first and foremost top monster."

"That's the vampire way. Once something is decided, they don't change it, no matter how silly, outdated, or pfft-y it sounds. That's why it's so hard to tell him I do witchcraft."

Clawdeen asks if she'll tell him when he gets there, to which she says: "In the middle of a witchhunt? No way. As the Pfft, he has to uphold the rules. He'd expell me!"

So what can we gather from this? She was planning to come out to him, most likely because since she views witchcraft as such a core part of herself, something she has to admit to truly be able to be herself around him. She planned it out and everything (as I'm sure a lot of us have before coming out so someone. I sure did), but backed down because he was proud, dissuading her from ruining his positive view of her in that moment. She knows he won't like her being a witch thanks to his outdated views, and yet all that's kept her from telling him sooner was fear of someone so close to her not accepting her (again, relatable).

Now the only reason she won't tell him is because in a school environment, she'd get punished. This is rather bleek, but there are still many places in the world where you can get expelled for being queer, including several schools in the US from what I've gathered, so it's an easy comparison to make.

Dracula holds a presentation on why witchcraft is forbidden, concluding that it's a danger to monsters, to which Draculaura says to herself: "Fine, some witches are bad, but witchcraft isn't inherently bad". It's reminiscent of queer people getting clumped together as a threat to society, children, the family, all that nonsense. People have always loved to take singular incidents of a queer person doing something abhorrent, and taking that as "proof" that all queer folks are a danger and should be shunned, or worse, not be allowed in certain jobs or be persecuted.

When Dracula asks Draculaura to help him find the witch, she immediately goes from happy to see him to uncomfortable. Like getting stuck in yet another conversation with your parents where they go on about their discomfort with gay or trans people or whatever it is that time, she's stuck with him demonizing witchcraft right before her, not knowing he's making her feel awful the whole time.

(A sillier sidenote, but the "Witch-Detector" made me think of the whole gaydar thing. Not relevant though.)

Draculaura ends up telling him the truth because she doesn't want Toralei to get expelled for something she didn't do. And her dad doesn't want to believe her. He lists down reasons that basically say 'you're too respectable to be a witch', but she leaves no room for doubt. And he's extremely disappointed.

She tries to explain to him that his views are skewed by his preconceived notions, and he shouts at her. "So you're breaking the rules for some frivolous hobby? You must give it up, now! Before it ruins your chance to be Pfft!" She tells him she doesn't want to follow in his footsteps. That she didn't know how to tell him because she knew he'd be upset. And he says, that well, of course he is! He treats it like something she can change, when the show never treats that like an option. Telling her he's worried for her future. When she tries to show him the beauty in what she's doing, he just leaves her standing there.

I do appreciate this scene. Many of us aren't lucky enough to have parents who immediately accept their kid after they come out, and the show built up to a bad reaction from him. This was bound to happen. A lot of parents don't want their kids to be gay because of homophobia, yes, but there's also often an element of fear. Of others thinking the same way as them, mistreating them because of it, having fewer chances for your future. It's all reflected in his reaction.

He ends up talking to Apollo (Clawdeen's dad), going on a whole tangent of what his super "handsome friend" (Why do you want him to see you as handsome so bad?🤨) (Also the friend is Dracula), should do if his daughter isn't quite who he thought she was, liking something he sees as dangerous, when he believed she liked "Respectable things" (there that is again), he worries she won't be happy. What I just said. Apollo explains that his kid's happiness is more important than his own opinions on what she's doing, and that she'll be safer if he supports her.

And queer people are safer when they are supported. Mental health wise.

It's enough for him to reconsider. He ends up talking to Draculaura, and they team up to get Toralei out of trouble without revealing Drac as a witch. He tells her that he'll do his best to change the rules.

So what are my thoughts? This was a fairly well executed episode, in my opinion. From my queer allegory perspective, the topic was handled in a manner very remisncent of common real life experiences. Dracula's initial negative reaction was hard to watch, but was the right choice to include it, and while he was rather quick to change his mind, for my taste, I do understand the show not wantig to leave their younger audience on such a sour note. While him only (reluctantly) changing his mind because the witch happened to be someone he loved was hypocritical, it's realistic. We often fear the things we've been taught to shun until it applies to someone close to us. Until it becomes more personal.

Overall, I'm content enough with how this was done. Most of all, since most of Draculaura's friends still don't appear to know by the end of the episode, and witchcraft is still forbidden, I wonder how that will be handeled. I also wonder if Toralei's outing attempts will ever be mentioned and discussed.

That's all I have to say for now. Thank you if you got this far, and please, tell me your thoughts!

[rainbowsky]

Hi rainbowsky! I'm a new-ish (autumn 2023) Yizhan fan - it's been so much fun to explore and read everything available, your blog included! I really enjoy your opinions and insights. I have a question and a request. Question: When CQL first started airing, what were people saying about the relationship between WWX and LZ in the show, and about the actors playing them? Did the CP start right away? Request: Then later on, when the BTS started appearing (when was that - after the show finished airing, right?), what were people saying about the real interactions between the two actors? Were people shocked? Amazed? Even more curious? I can imagine social media was on fire! But I'd like to hear from someone who "lived" through it in real time. Please give me a description of what it was like - especially what your thoughts and feeling were as you saw it happening. I wish I could have been there! Thank you!

Hi Blbrave! Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!

This is all a very, very long time ago, but I'll do my best to share what I can remember.

Actually, the CP started before the show began airing. The supertopics were opened during filming in 2018. I think this was inevitable, given that the series is based on a BL story. Of course fans of the novel will go into all of this with an eye toward the two characters and, by extension, GG and DD.

Similarly, as the show was airing of course there were a large number of viewers who knew it was a BL and viewed it as a BL at that time, even though it was being billed as a martial brotherhood series. There was a lot of analysis from fans trying to spot various ways that the production team managed to get around censorship and signal the queer romance between WWX and LWJ.

Others have done far better, more comprehensive analysis of all that than I could ever do, but it's so long ago I don't know where those posts might have gone. Some of this was discussed in my post about queerbaiting, so you can look there for more info.

As I said in that post, one of their smartest ways of highlighting the queer relationship was to downplay romance between the straight characters. We never see a straight couple doing something that we don’t also see LWJ and WWX doing. Yanli's wedding happens off camera, yet we see LWJ and WWX do their bows on camera. There’s never a kiss or any kind of PDA between straight characters, yet we see LWJ and WWX in each other’s arms throughout the series.

We got a gay kiss:

We got gay sex:

There was also the headband repeatedly being described as the domain of only family and spouses, and the various ways they connected it with WWX. WWX grabbing it when he was possessing the paperman, and also at one point being tied to LWJ by the wrist with the headband - all of this signalling that WWX was a spousal figure for LWJ.

There was the drunk scene with LWJ giving WWX chickens (a wedding tradition in China).

And many more examples I won't get into.

There were many of those types of things in the series, and they were discussed enthusiastically at the time. However, I don't think there were many bystanders who made those connections. It was primarily fans of the books/show (i.e. those who appreciated it as a BL story and not as a bromance/friendship story) who saw and discussed those hints.

I know the idea that anyone could be so oblivious to the gay subtext throughout the story that they miss the queerness entirely is hard to get one's head around, but straight viewers usually just see WWX and LWJ as best friends and sworn martial brothers. The show could never have been made or aired if that wasn't the case.

In fact, newer fans might not be aware that there was a lot of controversy during filming because of leaked early attempts to create a straight romance between Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing. Some relationship-building scenes between them were filmed, and at one point in the BTS GG is heard complaining about the straight romance and saying that all those scenes should be deleted.

In the production team's defense, there was doubt at the time about whether the show could air given its source material as a BL novel. They likely had investors and backers pressuring them to make sure that the story was unambiguously straight.

Fans of the novel made a massive uproar about it, threatening to boycott the series. The backlash was so extreme that it became a bigger threat to the success of the show, and the straight romance was killed. We all owe a lot to those agitators! 😅

The BTS

The BTS clips were first discussed in an Untamed press conference (that section of the interview starts at around 36:30). The producer said that in the future some of the behind-the-scenes moments would be shared. GG and DD exchanged a glance and looked extremely uncomfortable with it.

A lot of turtles find that clip funny, and laugh about what GG and DD might 'have to hide', but I have never understood how fans can find GG and DD's discomfort funny.

It might surprise some newer turtles to hear that there were moments where GG and DD appeared to be uncomfortable with the BTS, but there were.

Another moment happened in an interview where GG and DD were asked to explain a BTS scene of the two of them in the boat, where GG is lying in DD's lap. DD turns to the interviewer with a shocked and displeased look on his face and says, "They released this?"

There were other moments as well, but I haven't kept a comprehensive record of all that. This happened long before I clued in on how quickly clips can disappear in this fandom.

I believe that it is totally normal to have mixed feelings about the BTS, and I believe GG and DD are no exception to that. No doubt they enjoy some of the clips and feel uncomfortable about some of them, just like many turtles (myself included).

There were official BTS clips released during promo, but the unofficial BTS clips didn't come until later. I talked in more detail about the unofficial BTS and how they came to be released here.

The unofficial clips began being released by fansites in the fall of 2020. It would be hard to overstate how different the atmosphere around them was to what it is now. Now it's quite common to find BTS clips all over the place, both in C-social media and on international sites like YouTube and Instagram.

However, back in 2020 they were extremely hard to get ahold of, and sharing them outside of where they were initially released was strictly forbidden and frowned upon by fans. In fact, if you dig back through my 2020 posts I'm sure you'll find many posts where I admonish people not to share the BTS clips, and where I bitch about people sharing them without authorization. I also answered a lot of asks about these issues at the time (just one example).

Times have changed a lot, and now everyone is sharing them all very freely without any concerns.

The situation was a lot different back then:

GG and DD had gained a tremendous amount of popularity from the show, but their reputations and careers were not yet fully established and secure.

227 was still an active concern that was still making news and still impacting GG's life directly. He had not yet recovered from any of it and was still mostly lying low. He was constantly being attacked and antis were constantly out to get him.

The Untamed was still fresh and current, and being discussed regularly in the media. Because filming was still fairly recent, what happened during filming would still run the risk of impacting GG and DD's lives and careers.

Fans were coming under very close scrutiny because of 227 and other fandom-related scandals. The government was starting to crack down heavily on fandom culture.

This was all uncharted territory. No one knew how the BTS might be received, or how it might impact GG and DD. Fans were very freaked out about the possibility of anything compromising getting leaked and harming the boys.

No doubt fansites were also worried about how fans might respond to some of the releases, and wanted to ensure they didn't upset or anger fans, or stir up more excitement than could be safely contained within the fandom.

All of this contributed to a climate of extreme caution and secrecy around the release of BTS clips.

We never knew when one might be released, and when they were released they were typically only put online for a few minutes, then deleted. This was all done in an effort to limit the exposure of these clips primarily to turtles who have GGDD's best interests in mind.

The clips were heavily watermarked and overlaid with visual and audio curses that 'reuploaders must die!' ('banyun biss', which I'm sure most of you have encountered in some of the clips you've seen).

Early clips were heavily watermarked.

Those who missed out were out of luck. It was extremely socially unacceptable to re-share clips once they'd been deleted. Those who missed out would have to rely on recaps and transcripts from those who had seen the clips. Fans took to staying up all hours watching and waiting for a release.

Back in those days people tried to save every clip they could, hoarding them greedily. Turtles' phones were filling up with large video files. It's funny to think about now, because the clips are everywhere and so easy to find these days, but back then it was a whole Thing.

The initial releases were sporadic and quite tame as fansites dipped their toes in the water of how all this would be received. Gradually over time clips became more frequent and stayed up longer, and some of the more salacious stuff began being released. Those clips were often accompanied by hilarious intro images.

(For those who don't get it, it's the PornHub logo).

Of course all of the clips were heavily discussed as they came out, and a clearer picture of GG and DD's relationship and of their experience of filming began to take shape over time. Some of the fake rumors (such as the 49 fake candies and the CPN that GG designed a racing suit for DD) were gradually proved to be true as these clips were released. However, that was mostly confined to fandom circles.

There were occasionally times when these clips or their content would cross over into the mainstream and start trending on Weibo. In many of those cases, the hotsearches would be bought and pushed by antis of GG and DD who want to see them cancelled. At those times turtles would jump into action to wash those topics and replace them with mundane, unrelated content.

There were fan theories and fake rumors about GG and DD's reaction to the clips. Sometimes when new clips were released GG and DD would be seen online and turtles assumed they were watching them. Of course, considering the clips featured them, it's highly likely that they did eagerly await releases just like the rest of us.

I suspect that it was likely a mixed bag for them. Some clips might have really stressed them out either upon initial release or after reactions began to emerge, while others likely made them laugh and feel nostalgic about filming.

A large percentage of BXG light banners and slogans came directly out of the BTS, some of which you can see GG and DD discussing in LRLG rumors.

Dumplings, rice noodles, 3+2 biscuits (cr @knivescharade in this post), discussed in this LRLG rumor.

There were definitely a few scandals and close calls that came out of the unofficial BTS, and solos and antis frequently tried to use them against GG and DD and tried to spin negative narratives about their relationship using disingenuous takes and edits of them (they still do to this day).

For example, the clip where GG tells DD that he prefers a natural look to idol makeup was used against GG at the time, and antis tried to make it seem like GG was homophobic and that GG was against men wearing makeup. Some of the clips where they were playfighting or bickering were used to try to create a narrative that they hated each other. That kind of thing.

BTS and fan service

One of the most common questions I've gotten about the BTS - and I still often get this question - is, "Aren't the BTS just acted out/scripted as fan service to promote the show?"

There are a few reasons people have this question in their minds.

Solos #1 narrative about GGDD is that their CP was just for the show and the BTS was all fan service, and nothing about their relationship is real. They push this claim very aggressively on social media anytime GGDD or The Untamed is discussed, and new fans will almost always encounter those claims in this way.

CP fan service is a normal part of how dramas are promoted, so people familiar with Asian dramas will often immediately jump to that assumption about GG and DD and about the BTS.

Heteronormativity leads many people to immediately dismiss the possibility of a gay relationship, which leads them to try to come up with other explanations for those clips.

People naturally have a hard time believing what they're seeing with some of those clips. Some of it is pretty jaw-dropping and it's understandable that some people will be skeptical.

However, there are a lot of really good reasons why these clips are obviously not fan service.

For one thing, the show was billed as a martial brotherhood, not as a romance. Some of the official BTS clearly did try to appeal to CP and MDZS fans and could be counted as fan service, but those weren't even the ones BXG are most excited about. (There is a playlist of some of the official BTS clips here).

The most exciting stuff was never released during promo, and almost none of it is overtly romantic. A lot of it is really crude and totally unreleasable as promo. GG and DD are lewd, crude and often rude in ways that only two people who are really close could ever get away with. In many cases it's the casual way GG and DD constantly cross polite social boundaries with each other that shows their intimacy, rather than anything overtly sweet or romantic.

A lot of it is also totally incomprehensible to regular audiences. You have to be a turtle digging deeply into GGDD to understand the significance of most of it. For example the way GG took care of DD on his birthday, or the way DD constantly bargained and haggled with GG to get him to eat more.

Most importantly, if it was all fan service then why did GG and DD never do any joint CP endorsements? The entire point of doing that type of fan service is to make a buck. Other drama CP - including BL - do this all the time.

And it doesn't make sense that a production that was as low budget as The Untamed could afford to have the two lead actors learn a whole second set of lines and do a whole second performance that never ended up getting released.

And of course, none of that explains why the bulk of the BTS clips ended up in the hands of fans and released years after the show finished airing. A lot of it still has never been released to this day.

I've often joked that if the BTS were scripted they were far more complex, more melodramatic and better written than the drama itself. You just can't come up with this stuff in a writer's room. 😅

Anyway, this post got a bit long but hopefully it gives you a bit more of a picture of what it was all like at the time. Sorry, I guess I didn't talk much about my own feelings/reactions, but hopefully you can get somewhat of a sense.

Overall it was exciting, but I also had some deep reservations about it all (and got a lot of hate mail for voicing those feelings, too). Keep in mind this wasn't long after 227, so I think it's understandable that I was feeling very wary about everything.

But that's all water under the bridge now. It's been many years, and if the BTS were going to harm GGDD it would have already happened. I think it's all pretty safe territory now.

Edit: some more of my thoughts and feelings at the time:

One of the most exciting things for me about the BTS clips was seeing so many of the fake rumors being proved true. There were a lot of rumors (including the 49 fake candies) that I totally scoffed at when I first heard about them, only to later find via the BTS clips that I had been totally wrong about them and that these things had actually happened, and even crazier things were gradually revealed.

Things were changing pretty rapidly for a while there now that I think about it.

Learning more about their relationship and seeing just how much they looked out for each other was another big one for me. Also the timeline. The BTS really reinforced my belief in The Devil's Timeline (the belief that they got together prior to filming).

But overall that was a very different time in the fandom as well. There were always so many candies coming out, not just BTS clips but things that came out of GG and DD's activities and social media posts. It was a really really busy time in the fandom.

Since then there has been a government crackdown on fandom culture, on the entertainment industry, on LGBTQ etc. in China, plus DD's split with Nike and him having to delete a lot of his GG candy posts from his Weibo account.

Things are so different now, and unfortunately a lot of it for the worse. Being a turtle is not always easy, and I'm sure being GG and DD can't always be easy either. We make it work, but I do sometimes look back wistfully on the freer, more exciting times in the fandom.

More such times could come in the future. We just have to keep moving forward and hope for the best.

Somewhat related: I did a semi-comprehensive post about GG and DD's reaction to turtles here.

[mrs-snape5984]

“As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face…”

“Save your tears, it'll be okay. All I know is you're here with me…” (“Here with me” by D4vd)

Suffering from ME/CFS makes me feel like my whole world is falling apart in front of my eyes. Since I’ve already lost so much joy and so many abilities due to this devastating disease, my continuing loss seems to increase even further.

As some of you might know, do I love to write my own stories about Severus and Julia just as much as I enjoy using my tumblr blog as some kind of journal, whenever I’ve commissioned another artwork. It’s my way of rolling out a red carpet for the artists of Snapedom…it’s my way of honouring them for their talent in their profession. Commissioning those amazing people and letting them make my ideas and fantasies come to life, is my very own manner of coping with my physical and emotional pain.

And now, this coping mechanism seems to crumble into pieces as well as everything else, that I’ve already lost! It hurts me to admit, that my brain fog takes advantage of my capability to create vivid images with my words. My thoughts are getting blurry and chaotic. I’m struggling to find the right words to express my emotions (it’s even worse in my native language German than in English!!)…and this scares me to hell!

My mind was the only place, where I could find some shelter from my infuriating and terrifying reality of losing myself to ME/CFS. What if I forfeit my only - just barely existing- talent now?? How should I flee this nightmare of existence if writing wouldn’t be an option anymore?! How should I express my gratitude towards all those marvellous artists of Snapedom, who are all weaving my emotional comfort blanket with each piece of their art?!?

I don’t want to give up on my writing…and I won’t…even though my pride would probably fade away with each badly written chapter of my fictions…and with each unworthy post on my blog. I must admit, that I’m already acknowledging the loss of quality. 🥺

I found an inspiring poem about the importance of staying resilient, no matter how difficult the hardships of life might become, and I want to share it with you:

"KEEP GOING" (Better known as "DON'T QUIT") by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and debts are high, And you want to smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up, When he might captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

My dear @mmad-lover, I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for your dedication to this stunning piece of art and believe me, it was worth every single second of waiting! Paula, I was incredibly touched to hear, that my request seemed to be something special, something personal to you. I can assure you, that, indeed, all of my ideas have a profound meaning to me and I’m glad that you’re such an empathetic person, who sensed that particular importance of your art to me. Your devotion to this drawing is palpable in every single detail, every line of your brushes. You created exactly the mood, that I wished for Severus and Julia. It doesn’t matter that the world is burning to the ground around them, they will always have each other’s backs! Just like I’m relying on Severus for more than 21 years now. Thank you for everything, you precious soul! I’m glad that I met you and I hope, we’ll stay in touch. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[drdemonprince]

thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too

<3 thanks Anon.

Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.

I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.

[dropthedemiurge]

So I went to see the Korean version of Angels in America today, and Taevin was amazing, as expected!

I don't feel too good to leave a full review (seriously, going outside in 35 degrees heat should give me a sick leave for work) and it was only Part 1 (3 Acts) so I'll just talk about Taevin briefly, and if anyone's interested in hearing more, I can come up with another post comparing original and Korean versions later...

Anyway, LEE TAEVIN. I was so right to fall into him (the way he acts, but also I'm in love with his voice who knows why). He was very emotional, very bold, captured original Louis so well (and delivered such fast and complicated rants nicely xD) and also - yes, we had gay kiss and implied fucking on stage as well 👀 In Asian country, talking and showing AIDS stories - it felt very unusual but as an outsider to both cultures and histories, I don't have much ground to speak on.

Also of course, some wordplays were lost but some were added, but mostly the translation was sticking to the original almost perfectly (if only I was more fluent in Korean, I could tall about it even better but I'm really glad I watched the original play first so I knew the story and what they were supposed to say (huge thanks to @dragonsareawesome123 for providing me links!). But I could tell the difference where jokes in English were supposed to land and which comedic moments in Korean striked the best instead xD It was fun noticing. But the loudest laugh (twice at that) was during Louis x Guy hookup on street lol (yes I still can't believe I watched Taevin getting "fucked" on stage the guy really chooses the most queer and bold and interesting roles in the beginning of his acting career)

And there were slight changes in decorations and costumes, and I liked some things more than original, but some original moments got lost.

There are two actors for Prior and tbh I went to see the more popular one because everyone said he's been acting in dramas and other cast worked for me but... I didn't get enough tbh x) Like, Yoo Seungho was good and he was also emotional and delivered lines well - but I guess, I just didn't get the Sick Gay Drag Queen vibes as much as in the original xD I mean, man was so toned and had abs! But the actor himself is thin so it can't be helped Ig, Koreans aren't pale :D

Plus, he was supposed to be contrasting to Louis and Joe but he was less flamboyant so I guess that's the only flaw I can point out. I'll go watch second actor in the second part of the play to compare acting between Korean versions and not with western one, it's going to be interesting.

But still, Seungho himself did a good job with acting with his body and emotional delivery, I'm merely comparing to the original play. He was also very sweet when he came out to the fans after the play ^^

Anyway, the rest of the cast was great as well, the explicity from original - in both language and portrayed things - stayed there and only details ended up more smoothed iut (more Asian style?)

The Art hall was almost full on Sunday, which I was surprised to see for such story, and I saw a lot of couples and people in their 30-40s and nobody left mid-break which to me is a good sign xD

That was a nice experience, it was my first time seeing or knowing about Angels in America too, I'm definitely gonna go for Part 2 because that's where the most of the fun is :D

Tagging @doyou000me @non-binarypal7 who were interested in my review (if you watched the original, I can share more about the actual lines and moments xD)

[traegorn]

"Get therapy lol" you're a real empathetic motherfucker.

Laughing at people in pain really doesn't fit with the picture of a kindly uncle looking dude, that's really sad and I'm sorry I ever followed you. Fuck you, fuck men who want to yell about slamming doors.

For real man, I'm sorry I ever followed you I'm crying now what the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck is wrong with you? "Get therapy" is what you say? Fuck you.

Maybe on our call this week I'll tell my therapist about the fake asshole who tries to act like an understanding elder but just drops edgelord epic bacon putdowns when somebody shares how something made them unhappy. For real, fuck you.

Okay, you sent me this string of anons because of my flippant response to this ask.

But like, my dude... I'm a stranger on the internet. I am not an "understanding elder" -- I'm a middle aged nonbinary office worker who makes some podcasts and writes comics and novels. I don't know what you think our relationship is, but I think you need to step back for like a minute.

Like I don't think you've remotely considered my perspective in this entire interaction.

I'm sitting here cooling off after a workout, watching this week's Dimension 20 episode, and I'm scrolling Tumblr. I had reblogged a poll about car door slamming, with a little thought appended about the subject... and then there's a contextless anonymous ask in my box which:

Complains about Europeans who are not even remotely referenced in the post I reblogged. Which is, y'know, weird.

Vents about their father. To me. A stranger in Wisconsin. Who again, neither knows who you are or who your father is.

Like, dude, let me remind you what you sent me. This is your exact ask:

My father used the stupid fucking car door as a reason to yell at me all the time, Europeans sound like whiny bitch ass motherfuckers who could use a few doors slammed at them. Fuck that persnickety shit. Fuck them.

Like what the actual fuck did you expect me to make of this, anon? You brought this energy to me. You didn't ask me for advice. You randomly vented to me, a stranger, without any context.

And randomly insulted Europeans, who hadn't even joined the chat.

Like the whole "who tries to act like an understanding elder" and "kindly uncle" is something you've projected on to me. I am not trying to be some wise elder or any other bullshit -- and I'm not going into how you've decided to use exclusively masculine terms for me.

Because your use of those words shows you don't know shit about me.

I'm just old and trying my best. I know some stuff, so I try to tell people that stuff. If you're coming to this from the witchcraft side, I have always maintained that all witches are equals and I am not above anyone. If you've put me in that position, I definitely didn't ask for it.

So yeah, this is where I'm at my limit. You've crafted a pretty weird parasocial relationship here and I have to get up and work in the morning. I'm glad you're getting some help, because this entire interaction has been wild from start to finish.

I am not your guru, and I am not your mom. I'm just a tired queer person who should probably go to bed.

(Also, I mostly added the song "Therapy" to the end there because it's a fucking bop and all nonbinary band Kat and the Hurricane's new album comes out tomorrow/today and more people need to listen to it)

[lee-the-eel]

thoughts / headcanons on olivia and marina?? (if you feel comfortable sharing of course! i'm just so glad i'm not alone in thinking they're cute af together sdfskj)

absolutely! genuinely they are so cute together, I’m surprised i don’t see more people who enjoy them!

-i really enjoy the science/magic dichotomy between them, especially with olivia having some connection with vinushka. It’s fun to imagine them sharing their specialties with the other, like marina teaching olivia simple engravings or olivia showing marina plants that enhance the effectiveness of her spells

-they really like reading together, like a parallel play type thing. They also definitely go on dates to bookstores and look through everything together, maybe spending the night curled up together reading their new books

-olivia’s crush on marina was her bi awakening and it mostly results in her being really flustered around marina a lot of the time. marina doesn’t have this problem because she already knew she was queer, and finds it very endearing

-marina has a resting creepy face that makes her intimidating at first glance, but in conversation she’s super nice. olivia looks super sweet, but will sometimes say wildly creepy things in conversations out of nowhere

-olivia makes marina flower crowns

-during the festival of termina, olivia is super terrified at the beginning and marina tries to comfort/protect her. of course this totally changes when they first find a gun and olivia gets wildly more confident. marina thinks it’s badass

-post termina, i think they’d travel together to all sorts of places, and when they’re not traveling, run a little combination botany/occult shop together

Most of these headcanons are admittedly very fluffy because I think they’re a cute couple, but if prompted i could probably try and come up with some others that are more tonally like the game

[cypionate60mg]

nb, intersex here. wow does this blog make me feel so much. i dont have much exposure to this aspect of queer masculinity, ive just been reading over your posts and theyre resonating so much with me. the framing and the spacing of the words like man!!!!

you mentioned robert kurvitz' work-- i dunno, and i wanted to talk about harry and masculinity and what that means to me. hes a criticism of the reckless power we give certain systems and that's a huge part of the game. but playing him as a man picking himself off the floor, digging himself up from rock bottom-- i saw so much of myself and my brother and my father in him. the violence and the reinvention. im fat so seeing a non-prettyboy ive ever seriously felt connected to. this blog makes me connected to the same feeling, that experimenting with fun colors still made me masc and that i owed no one conventional attractiveness. not only that, but people would still find me and my mishmash bigender self attractive. dunno! was curious how you feel, if disco Elysium brought up stuff like this for you

much love!! anon

Glad you like the spacing and framing. I was inspired by mapped-out gaze trajectories, a field of study pioneered by Alfred L. Yarbus. I'm interested in how people 'read' an image, and whether that's impacted by seeing themself in the subject.

Great game. I see myself in Kim, really. Physically and psychologically. Somebody who has become so practiced in walking through dueling worlds, one foot in each, that he feels condemned to the middle path. To him, being extreme is almost unthinkable. No wonder Harry is such a great counterpart to him. Conversely, he's comprised of extremes, always careening off toward whatever ideology or attitude can get him high off its excess. Maybe as a protective mechanism for that softer, more ambiguous part of himself. The sensitive self that is not bombastic, but is always under threat of being blown apart by his addictions and bad behavior.

I love DE for its refusal to streamline its systems, narrative, world, characters, etcetera. Everything is so rich and full of life. Every character has depth and fits into the larger scheme of things, even if through subversion. That's one of its most lifelike qualities; everybody is so much more complicated and interconnected than you thought was possible. So I'm honored to share a place with this game in your mind

[imaginarylungfish]

AUDHD 👏 GOJO 👏

I’m right there with you so, in true AuDHD style, I’m zooming into your inbox to infodump because I’m ALWAYS desperate to scream about this (shout out to @ellionwrites for patiently and compassionately listening to my unpolished rambles about a lot of this stuff in private)!

I actually have a LOT of thoughts about 236 and how it’s Gojo’s “unmasking”. That chapter is really emotional for me because of how well it articulates my personal experience of navigating the world as an autistic person. This post (and especially its tags) from right after it came out says it in a much more concise way, but Gojo’s upset pout breaks my heart because, to me, that's evidence of “no matter how much you try, people will misunderstand you” and damn… that hits a little close to home 🥲

It’s why his death had such a strong impact on me, especially when it felt like half the internet was ignoring the actual words Gojo said to claim “he never cared about that stuff, he was arrogant from the start and you just misread him". In combination with “it was the best ending for a character like Gojo" — right after we find out how deeply lonely he’s been, never able to truly connect with anyone after Geto left? Well, it was mindblowingly meta and, therefore, pretty painful to read.

I wrote an analysis of Gojo’s character in 236 and, even though I wasn’t viewing him through an autistic lens for that particular post, I think my words under the cut still read that way — that’s how baked into his character I think this stuff is! I genuinely think the two pairs of sorcerers sitting with their backs to each other is a visual representation of the double empathy problem. I'm not sure autistic and allistic people can ever arrive at a place where we fully understand each other, but that doesn’t mean autistic people have to carry all the burden and remain isolated. That’s why it’s meaningful that Gege makes it clear that all the characters care about each other, even if they don’t see eye-to-eye.

Glad to see you shouting about this reading of his character, because I haven’t seen many people talking about it. Some people are very hostile to ND headcanons, especially for characters as popular as Gojo, which is why I haven’t really talked about it much myself. However, I feel like any fellow AuDHDers who read my fic must be side-eying me constantly because I don’t think I’m subtle about how I write Gojo’s character at ALL 🤪

Maybe it’s time to be brave and publicly share my 236 AuDHD!Gojo manifesto for the five of us who are standing in a circle screaming about this! Cheering you on and sending lots of love ♥️

Ahhhhh thank you so much for this infodump!!!! I was on a AuDHD!Gojo rampage last night as my brain worm hit right as I should have been going to sleep. But such are things....

Like idk why it didn't truly hit me until now, but I can't unseen Gojo as AuDHD. (It was probably because I re-watched "Everything's Gonna be Okay" with some AuDHD representation and then I started thinking of other AuDHD characters and immediately thought of Gojo.) I did play with the idea a few months back, but it hit me with full force yesterday.

Idk like I get a little annoyed with people who think I or others like Gojo just because "he's hot" because like okay fine yes (but also I think I just have gender envy but that's a whole other can of worms). But also, no no no that's not it! My love for Gojo is more than that! He speaks to me as a character. He's misunderstood. He's seen as something he isn't. In my eyes, he's neurodivergent (and queer). And Geto was the only other person who ever saw him for who he really was.

Gojo's death was really hard on me. I remember exactly where I was when I read that chapter. And then the airport. Fuck. EmOtIOns. At first, I tried understanding Nanami's words. I really did. But really, I just didn't if I'm honest. Those words were a shock to me. Like yeah okay he's selfish (but like aren't all humans?). He also helps though! Isn't that obvious? And at the end? He wanted to have an equal to go all out with in a fight. Again, why was that bad? He was also helping! What's the issue? He's a fallible human. Like you said in your analysis, he contains multitudes. What's wrong with that?

So, like many others, I thought maybe I misread Gojo. But no. Now I think the missing piece was that Gojo is AuDHD and Nanami didn't quite get that. He didn't understand Gojo's actions. (And ahh god that lil pout. Gojo was just living his life and people saw him but they never ~saw~ him.)

I think the visual of the sorcerers back-to-back is a great metaphor for the double empathy problem. I never saw it that way, but I see it now and like it! And I think you're so right with the fact that the characters still respect and support each other even if they don't understand each other fully. I think that's a theme woven throughout the story.

Blahhh I feel like there is so much textual support for AuDHD Gojo. Like him being blindsided by Geto's defection because he didn't see Geto's decline (and don't get me started about Autistic!Geto with his strict black-and-white thinking), him just blabbing about sweets when he meets up with Megumi before fighting one-finger Sukuna at the beginning, the fact he thought revealing Yuuji to his classmates at the exchange event would be funny (cause hey, I thought it would too until it happened and I saw oh hey, it wasn't), etc. Plus, his blindfold. His overall personality. Like, it's such a heavy mask. Now I see that.

I feel like people either love Gojo or they hate him. (I immediately gobbled up your analysis and 100% agree. And I think people's reactions to his death are pretty telling.)

So, thank you for the yummy AuDHD!Gojo content. Please feel free to send me more/link me to things. I feel like I have a million more things to say but my brain is jumping all over the place and I've already spent 40 minutes this morning on this when I should have been getting ready for work. Hehe, whoops.

Gojo is AuDHD. I will die on this hill. Let's keep staring and screaming at each other about this. Sending you good vibes and love as well 🤍

[sevensoulmates]

I really appreciate you making the buddie meta post for 7x4, taking that many hours of your time just to write it and sharing it with us. I'm really grateful, I was literally giggling and kicking my feet while reading your post 💕

What a wonderful episode, it still feels like an out of body experience and I'm so happy Buck is finally free (I'm still in disbelief they gave us bi Buck in such a beautiful way).

I really wonder how they will give us the Eddie coming out arc. ¿Do you have any theories at the moment? Also why does it feels like Marisol will be kicking rocks sooner than expected? 👀

Thank you again ❤️

Thank you so much!! I mean I always have so many thoughts going round and round in my head about this show at all times so at least this gives me a place to put em.

I was beyond happy with everything we got in this episode. 10/10 no notes. I'm getting the feeling next episode is gonna be similar but is also gonna have some plot twists as well. The possibility of a double date has me V~I~B~R~A~T~I~N~G especially if Eddie doesn't realize the entire time that BuckTommy are on a date. Eddie and his queer blinders runs so deep and I want to see the way his face changes when he realizes.

I loved how they handled Buck having this discovery and I'm beyond happy they're not going the "gay for you" route with Buck (and I hope not with Eddie either). I'm glad Buck can exist in the world as a bisexual man outside of his relationships, but also in conjunction with them. They're all a part of him and he deserves to finally be settled in that aspect of who he is.

I do get the feeling that Buck's gonna be so swept up in the euphoria of figuring out his sexuality that he's likely going to be attributing a lot of those feelings to Tommy where he actually isn't wholly the cause. Don't get me wrong, I do think Buck is genuinely interested and attracted to Tommy, and I'm excited to see where that goes, but we're already getting some hints about potential issues with their relationship and I'm very intrigued about where that will go.

My prediction for Buck is that he's going to dive headfirst into whatever he has with Tommy and start seeking out the feelings/connection he has with Eddie, but in Tommy. I think the date will have some hints at Buck and Tommy trying to connect in certain ways and Buck in the back of his head finding *something* missing.

As for Eddie....HOO boy. I think that he's gonna be in for an interesting time. There's a chance he might break up with Marisol in 7x05, or I was also seeing spec about breaking up in 7x07, etc. IDK ANYMORE!! As much as I PERSONALLY would like to see them break up next episode, I think it would also be interesting to extend that relationship out a bit more just to show Eddie's sexual struggles and have her as a foil.

I'll give you what I would LIKE to see instead of what I speculate might happen because at this point the information we do know is confusing.

I would like to see Eddie feeling visibly weird about Buck dating Tommy. The reasons for him feeling that way can be nebulous at the start. I want this to cause some issues with Marisol, but I want his primary issues with Marisol explored separately from BuckTommy as well.

I would love to see more of his incompatibility with Marisol explored, whether that's in terms of how they act on a date, how they talk to each other, maybe even sexually (?). I want Eddie to genuinely start questioning why once again he's not feeling anything in a relationship with a woman. Like Ana could've been a fluke, but now Marisol too? I want him to think about why he just forces these relationships into something full-blown when most people would be able to recognize they're not attracted/into someone after the first few dates and end it.

I would love to see him possibly being dissatisfied with sex (if they go the demi route) and being really confused about if it's the sex itself, or the woman he's having sex with. I want some definitive building blocks for Eddie being like "I don't understand why I don't feel attraction to her" leading to an eventual "I don't feel attraction to women" realization. I think that Eddie's queer realization arc deserves more nuance and time put into it and a slow unveiling. I think it can still overlap with BuckTommy, with his feelings regarding them confusing him even more.

Buck getting kissed once by a man, understanding and accepting his sexuality right away, and being excited about it makes sense for his character. Eddie on the other hand I think is gonna struggle with it a lot more. I would like to see those struggles highlighted. Bring in more of his family (parents, sisters, etc) and show him struggling with heteronormativity around them. Show Eddie struggling to act "normal" in his interaction with BuckTommy when they're around him as a pair.

I would love it if a surprise kiss in the heat of the moment came in somewhere. Whether Buck is/isn't with Tommy and Eddie is/isn't with Marisol, would provide different ramifications. But I don't want the kiss to immediately lead to them getting together. I want them to have to sit with it, and maybe Eddie can then deconstruct his feelings about men, his sexuality, and his feelings for Buck at the same time. I wouldn't mind this struggle continuing over the hiatus and into the season 8 opener, or having this be a season 8 storyline altogether.

Either way, I do firmly believe Eddie's queer arc is coming down the line, and what we're seeing now is going to be the foundation for him to work up to it. As we know, Eddie doesn't really have sudden realizations. He kind of lets things build and build until it explodes and he is forced to sit down and think about it.

Also I don't believe Tim Minear about his "spur of the moment idea to have them kiss". What a liar. They were filming the scene with Buck, Tommy, and Eddie at the helicopter hangar back in January. That was a whole 3 months ago. Oliver literally said it was his first day back on set. You can't tell me you filmed that without knowing how the episode was gonna end, Tim. What a lying liar who lies. I do believe him that bringing Tommy in to replace Lucy probably meant they could streamline the queer Buck storyline faster in the season, but I firmly believe he knew they were planning to get to it at some point. There's no way Tim could've gotten the green light for it from ABC that fast without major lengthy discussions, both with TPTB and the writer's room. People take a long fucking time to respond to emails, Tim. Get better at lying.

[rainbowsky]

Good Morning Rainbowsky,

Thank you for the informative post on "Happy Queer History Month".

Excuse my ignorance, I would like to ask...when it comes to marriage proposals, is it usually one party more than the other that will make the "proposal"? I believe it is not correct to say "husband" and "wife", so both parties would be a "husband"?

(i.e. in a heterosexual relationship, usually the man would be doing the proposing, although there is usually an understanding of marriage already between the parties, so the proposal is not entirely a "surprise".)

So in a relationship like ggdd's, would gg wait for dd to make the proposal?

Thank you again for all your posts & pics, I really enjoy reading them.

Dottie (Canada)

Hi Dottie,

Thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog! 😊

It's funny how you've revealed your perspective here, perhaps unintentionally or unconsciously, that GG is the 'woman' in the relationship*. Just a reminder that these are two men. Half the point of being gay is to be able to say 'fuck you' to all that gender normativity/gender role bullshit. Men are men. They aren't women.

*No shade, here, we're all a product of our environment, and we live in a deeply heteronormative, homophobic world.

We also don't know anything about the dynamics of their relationship. It's none of our business. There are a lot of assumptions that go around the fandom about GG and DD, what they do in the bedroom, etc. and that, too, is none of our business.

Does GG look like someone who waits around for anything? Does DD? Let's remember who these guys are, and what they're like. Neither of them are passive, wilting maidens.

Next to nothing is known about their relationship or relationship history. There are rumors GG chased DD from the beginning, and there are rumors that DD chased GG. Both are credible. Both of them are go-getters in life. Both of them are eminently chaseable.

Ultimately everything is speculation, and that speculation will always, always say more about the person doing the speculating than it could ever say about GG and DD.

Gays are just as diverse and inscrutable as straights. We don't have any special insight into the lives of other gay people just because we're gay. Any speculation I do about GGDD is just as clownish as anyone else's speculation. I have no secret peephole into their lives and personalities.

I have been asked in the past to share some of my CPN about their relationship, and I've done so, but I hope everyone realizes that it's just fan fiction. I really have no idea how their relationship came about, whether they are married or not, or who - if either of them - proposed.

I actually have a deep distaste for 'grand romantic proposals'. I find them tacky and embarrassing, and very hetero. Of course, there are gay couples who really go in for that kind of thing. Are GG and DD that sort of couple? It's possible. I don't personally think it's very likely, but I could be wrong.

Here are some related posts that you might find interesting. I think if you read all these you'll probably get a good idea of where I stand on these issues.

My CPN on how they might have gotten together

My CPN on the whole proposal question

Are GG and DD married?

GG and DD's personalities

Gender role preferences in the fandom

Gender role assumptions

Top/bottom categories in the fandom

Oversexualization of gay relationships

[atariakana]

I have had a short sleep and a long think and now I am going to be sappy again:

I love this show. Nobody could have made anything more tailored to my interests if they tried, it's so far up my alley it's knocking on my kitchen door, and I knew from the title alone that it was going to be my new favorite. It is so so important to me for so many reasons, and I really am quite devastated that it wasn't renewed for a second season. But I do believe that just because something was left unfinished, that's no reason not to love what's already there. Eight episodes seems like so few when imagining what we could have had--I was fully envisioning 5+ seasons, perhaps even with 14+ episodes per season, because the format absolutely could have handled that-- but after the show's uncertain beginnings, I'm truly just happy we got anything at all. Dead Boy Detectives could have been dead in the water before it even began, and I'm grateful we got this little peek into the boys' afterlives and Crystal and Niko's journeys along with them.

The show is a wonderful rarity in so many ways--a full cast of fleshed-out and resonant characters, with amazing queer rep and female leads, beautifully crafted stories brought to life with so much thought and care, gorgeous visuals and a wonderful soundtrack and so much symbolism and little details that we have all been chewing over them for MONTHS and are still discovering new things.

And my love for DBD was only amplified by how singularly lovely and passionate this fandom is. I'm a serial fandom-hopper, and I can say that after nearly a decade of drifting from place to place that the DBD fandom is genuinely one of the kindest, most encouraging, most passionate fandoms I've ever seen, especially in such early stages. I've been inspired to draw again (difficult for me in these trying times) and even give writing a try (haven't shared anything anywhere yet--baby steps. I'm planning lots of stuff for Deadboyween, though <3). I've learned so much about so many different crafts and had the privilege of reading amazing fics and well-thought-out analysis posts and seeing so much mind-blowing art and so many gorgeous gifsets. And this is a sentiment I've seen echoed over and over, and I'm so so glad that other people feel this way, too. I jumped into this fandom feet-first after watching the show, and immediately thought: I've found my new fandom home. This still holds true--though my heart hurts a little, I'm still looking forward to making so many things about DBD and seeing all of the things you guys create, too.

My heart absolutely dropped when I heard the cancellation news, but you all made it easier. As others have said, these characters are ours now. We will write a hundred endings for their stories and then write them a thousand new ones, because that's what fandoms do, and I believe that we've grown strong enough to keep going, even if we don't get any more official content.

That was a HUGE ramble, but it was something I needed to get off my chest, so thanks for reading if you made it this far 😅 Again, I don't talk much (usually...), but I'm so grateful for you all and I hope you have nice weekends despite the news. Sending love and care to all who need it ♥️✨

[unforth]

I'm glad your KS problem got solved. Can you please use some time to post about Palestine? People are being killed in your name. Use your platform please. Thank you

Hey anon! So...no, I won't be doing that. What the fuck do you even mean "people are being killed in my name"? Absolutely no one is killing in my name, and I owe talking about it more to no one.

First, I trigger pretty severely to harm to children, which automatically means that a great deal of the coverage of Palestine is very triggering for me.

Second, I think there are plenty of people already blogging about this, that not every single blog needs to become wall-to-wall discussion of Palestine, and that mass-blogging about the conflict is entirely performative.

Third, in general I rarely blog about political events, and when I do it's virtually always US election (FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU HAVE TO VOTE) and/or things about censorship, because those are the areas that interest me and that I personally feel strongly about.

Fourth, I think the demand that a stranger blog about that one specific event, ignoring all the other ongoing tragedies in the world (the war in Ukraine and the genocide in the Congo, to name two that spring immediately to mind) is honestly heckin' weird.

Fifth, I own and run a business, and it's entirely within my rights to decide to keep that business apart from incredibly divisive current events. The business account (which is entirely separate from my personal account - it's not a side blog, it's a separate log in) - when it interacts with political topics at all - primarily blogs about recent happenings in publishing and related fields (so, legislation about free speech, ongoing strikes, etc.) and about recent happenings related to queer things (positive legislation and negative legislation being proposed or passed). I intentionally do not blog about other political topics, because they have nothing to do with the business. The most political the Press has gotten about the conflict in the Middle East is that we've quietly removed a couple books from rec lists that were written by authors or released by publishers who have managed, by publicizing their OWN views, to become especially controversial (especially on Tiktok) and even that I did extremely reluctantly, I just don't want to get Tiktok cancelled because we spent 5 seconds saying we liked a book by someone they currently hate, because Tiktok is Like That.

As to my own personal views on the conflict, which you are in absolutely no way entitled to know but which I have previously shared publicly so don't mind sharing again, I am a Jew and I was raised to believe that when all the rest of the world turned on us, Israel would always be the one place where we'd be safe, and I clung to that belief over 40 years of watching Israel become increasingly right wing and jingoistic, continuing to believe that the surest path to safety and security for everyone involved was a two-state solution.

As I previously wrote here, in the face of Israel's current actions against Palestine, I no longer believe that. If this is how Israel behaves, I no longer think Israel has a right to exist. I do still think that the best outcome right now is a two-state solution, but one that involves the complete abolition of the current Israeli government and army, to be replaced with a system that isn't, ya know, disgustingly fascist - and that if that can't be done, we need a one-state solution, and that one state shouldn't be Israel. This is my personal opinion.

However, I also acknowledge that for many Jews, this is an incredibly loaded, difficult topic, and I would never align my business to an official position like this because I have no desire to alienate people who I know feel as conflicted and complicated about this as I do myself. I take it as a matter of simple real fact that I respect my friends and colleagues enough to accept that they may reach different conclusions than I have about this, and I don't want them to feel unwelcome in a space that I've created because I on an individual level have reached a different conclusions about what I believe to be the best ending for this conflict than they have. We also do not allow political conversations of this stripe in our server for the same reason.

No matter how much people on both sides keep trying to paint this conflict as black and white, right and wrong, with one-and-done magic single-switch solutions, it's not that simple, never has been, and never will be, and the reality on the ground of ways to resolve this are also not that simple. Now, to be clear, I think it IS simple and accurate to say: the killing needs to stop i.m.m.e.d.i.a.t.e.l.y. That's a given and I think I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in the circles I travel in who'd disagree. But what should happen AFTER that? That's where I think reasonable people can still disagree about what should happen next to that land and the people living on it.

Anyway.

I should probably stop talking before, in my effort to be nuanced and balanced, I say something that leads someone to think I should be canceled. I am against the genocide 100% and this conflict has turned me from reluctantly vaguely okay with zionism to anti-zionist, but I also am tired of seeing people act like big problems have easy solutions, and I'm tired of the suggestion that anyone who isn't performatively outraged about this specific situation 24/7 is a bad person with wrong opinions.

Like, I think you need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you thought this was an appropriate ask to send a stranger. I'm genuinely disgusted that you'd try to turn a conflict that has nothing to do with me into something I'm personally responsible for because it's being done "in my name." Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? Antisemitic much? I'm a Jew, but that doesn't and never will mean that the Israeli government speaks for me or in my name. Fuck you.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey, I just wanted to thank you. There's no need to post this or respond to it, I just wanted you to know that I've been having trouble with faith, especially concerning the Church's stance on LGBTQ+ folks, and stumbling across your blog has helped me a lot. Knowing that there is a community of queer folks who actively exercise faith despite a church that seems to, at best, ignore their very existence is incredibly heartwarming to me and helps me see that if you can still believe and exercise faith that things will get better, so can I. So thank you, from the bottom of my soul.

This is such a kind note. Thank you! I'm glad you stumbled across my blog.

From what you wrote, I understand you're not queer. I'd like to share a bit about what it's like to be a queer believer.

The queer individuals I know who stay in this faith, they fight to do so. They don't passively receive what is handed down to them from our leaders as though they are guests receiving what is served to them. Instead, they take ownership of their faith. They have to decide that faith is important to them and why, they examine what has been taught over the years and decide what is meaningful to them and what they can discard, they seek their own relationship with the Divine. They are active participants in their own faith.

In the Book of Mormon's allegory of a vineyard, the tree and its branches represent Christ's people. It seems that the trees in the center of the vineyard get a lot of attention, they are pruned and nourished repeatedly. But it feels like those of us on the perimeter of the vineyard don't get much attention.

Those in the center, they get told of what great blessings in heaven await them, but us on the perimeter are given far fewer promises, we don't get the same encouragement & incentives. For example, if you're a cisgender straight person and you get married, you can be together forever and have eternal increase. That's terrific, but what about the rest of us, what do we get to look forward to?

Because we've had to fight to remain even though we're on the perimeter, we have learned many valuable things. For example, to be a queer believer is to have a testimony of the expansiveness of God's love. To me, it seems many Mormons have eternal marriage as the focus of their religious devotion, everything is about that. Even Christ gets reduced to being a tool that lets them be together with the person they love. For queer believers who don't have that option, Christ is the focus, knowing and becoming like Christ is the goal. That makes for a different experience.

Matthew 20 has a parable about workers. Some get hired early in the morning, some at mid-morning, and more get hired in the afternoon. They're each told what wages they'll receive if they'll go work in the vineyard. Then there's the final group of workers who before the workday is over, the landowner comes along and finds them and says to get on over to his vineyard and work. They are not told what wages to expect, but they go in hopes they will be treated fairly as they also need the blessings of a wage. At the end of the day, that final group of workers receives the same payment as the rest, even though none of the other workers think that's fair or right.

I feel like queer believers are like that last group of workers who trust God and believe we'll be treated fairly even as they're told by others that we don't qualify for all the blessings that they'll get. Also, the work done by all those who were hired before wasn't enough, that final group of workers was needed. In the same way, the church and other believers need queer folks and what we can contribute, the work is incomplete without us.

Here's the thing, to fight over a long period of time requires nourishment, we won't last long without that. We also need a community of support. There are online communities where we find each other. More and more we're seeing people start groups in their stake or ward, even if just an informal "let's all get together each month at my home." Consequently we're seeing more queer believers stick around because we're finding ways to meet our needs that weren't being met by the institution.

Okay, this is a response you didn't ask for, but I hope understanding our experience will give you insight into how you can become an active participant in your own faith journey.

[icharchivist]

your tags on the yulma post made me so emotional, thank you for sharing ;; it’s honestly disheartening to see their representation either get completely dismissed or met with absolute ignorance,, i do think the fandom has come a long way since then even tho there’s still discourse around how “valid” it is but if people dug more deep, it’s honestly undeniable no matter how u look at it

aaah glad it was a worthwhile read then 🥺

and yeah definitely :( fandom changes and there's been a lot of changes in the last twenty years in the way an audience can accept a queer narrative, and while it's for the better, it does also mean that sometimes there's people who aren't going to see what was the big deal or how it was groundbreaking. They often approach their dynamic by modern standards of queer representation that i think can sometimes be a disservice to how huge it was in 2010 when it came out.

I remember talking about this story with a friend once and they were like "so it's queer because one of them is actually a woman in a man's body. that seems cowardly to me" and it frustrated me a little both on the angle of what it means for Alma to be in this situation to start with (if Alma is in a situation where they can accept the change to their body or not, and how no matter how you look at it Alma is fundamentally genderqueer), but also on how i remember the anger against "Kanda being gay" to start with

And i think about how Hoshino had to work for this to start with, having to set up that Kanda was looking for someone very early on, someone implied to be a lover, and then build the Alma arc in such a way where Alma=Person Kanda Was (Romantically) Looking For became unavoidable and no editor could go back on what she wanted to say. It was huge at the time, and i hope we can remember it like that.

but between the way lots of fans abandonned the manga then, the hiatus following afterward, and the new anime not really being beginner friendly, dgm's legacy in term of queer representation ended up kinda buried under it all and difficult to get new people to see.

and now i sometimes see a lot of scrutiny on the Kanda/Alma storyline on "can we even consider it queer" that makes me sad in the sense of, sometimes it circles back to similar argument i've heard at the time to cut down the ship, which also have people say "but if this argument can be made then it means it wasn't obvious enough", while no, it's obvious, people just were seeing it in bad faith because they were looking for their own confirmation basis, but in the end those specific people ended up leaving because even if they wanted to make up excuse to erase the queerness, it was too late, the queerness was here to stay.

like idk i'm just rambling but i so vividly remember how people reacted then that i can't buy into any "it's not queer enough" complains from the modern perspective. It was groundbreaking at the time and it was the real first popular Shounen i personally read where one of the main character was confirmed to be in a queer love story that is the important focus of a full arc, and tbh i haven't truly seen that much ever since (but i also don't keep a close look at modern Shounen so that's on me)

but yeah and in the end i really come back to the feeling of "if they're not queer enough why did homophobes get this mad about it when it happened" yaknow

anyway thank you for the ask and i'm glad the perspective was a nice read <3

i just hope one day people can really realize just how special dgm was at the time for that.